Peace that Passes Understanding (Silas’ story part 1)

We were expecting our second child in 2012.  My pregnancy had been pretty smooth, with the exception of placenta previa early on that corrected itself by 36 weeks.  Everything was set up for a smooth normal delivery.  I tend to “over bake” my babies and not go into labor on my own.  At 41 weeks, a long miserable week overdue, my doctor decided to schedule me to induce my labor.

Although we were incredibly excited about having our baby boy, the whole pregnancy seemed kind of surreal to me.  Even though I could feel him moving around inside me, see him on the ultrasound and already loved him more than words, I just really had a hard time believing we would actually be bringing home a new baby.  We actually decided on a name on our way to the hospital.  We had planned the whole time to name him Ryder, but just didn’t feel so sure about it.  Then in the car on the way, we decided to name him Silas.  They started inducing my labor when I was 9 days overdue.  Everything went incredibly smooth and contractions had started pretty steady.  I hadn’t even had any medication yet, and I was truly enjoying the fact that everything was so easy.  Little did I know that God had been preparing me for what would come.  He had made my heart ready for any outcome and gave me complete peace that no matter what happened, He was in control.  At that time, we had no idea anything would go wrong.  At 8AM the next morning, my doctor came in to break my water.  Then Silas’ heart started to decelerate.  After prolonged deceleration (slowing down) of his heart, my doctor herself performed an ultrasound.  She could tell that there was little amniotic fluid and he was in distress.  They rushed me into emergency surgery to delivery him via C-section.  Silas was delivered only 11 minutes later.

The nursing staff had said repeatedly that we would be able to see him on the screen beside us when he was born.  This did not happen.  He was born with a heartbeat, a very weak one, and failed to breathe on his own even after stimulation.  After one minute of life, they started CPR and intubated him.  This continued for four minutes.  While this was happening, Evan and I, without speaking, just knew that Silas was not alive.  The nurses had stopped telling us we would get to see him and we could hear the commotion from the other side of the room.  I recall them calling “Code APGAR” and lots of other staff running into the room.  The neonatologists were called down from the NICU.  You may be feeling sorry for us, for Silas, or for our situation.  Stop!  This was the calmest time in either of our lives.  For us, God had us right in the eye of the storm.  Complete peace came over us in our own little bubble it seemed.  Any mother would say that it is crazy for any parent to feel that way when you expect your newborn is dead.  I know for sure that this was an exact demonstration of Philippians 4:7. 

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. (KJV)

At that exact moment in time, Evan and I could go nowhere, do nothing.  We were exactly where God wanted us, perfectly in His will and He was going to use us for His own glory.  I would not change any single thing that we would have to go through, and Evan and I have stated before that we would go through it again to have that closeness with God.  Many people think that maybe we aren’t very good parents since we weren’t worried.  We love our children just as much or more than any other parents do.  What I want you to understand is that it completely goes against any human understanding that two parents could be this calm and comforted at such a hectic, emotional time.  ONLY GOD could supply that peace that passes understanding!  We in no way deserved His presence or grace during this time.  No doubt we could never do anything to earn it or deserve it, but He loves us anyway.  He is that awesome!

Over the next series of posts I will explain all the miracles that God performed in Silas’ medical journey.  I apologize for being so lengthy, but this was a period of time in our lives when we walked closer to God than we ever had before (or since).  Please take with you today, from this brief introduction, that God is the Almighty Comforter.  He is ALWAYS in control of every scenario in our lives and will be there for us no matter the occasion supplying us enough grace to make it through.  He ONLY can provide the peace that passes understanding, as you will see many more times through the next several posts.  So friend, rely not on any understanding, rely only on the Lord Jesus Christ.


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